In 2 weeks and 2 days, I shall quit this place. I’m trying not to buy food anymore to eat down my stores… but I have to buy things to make meals out of the stores, you know? You just can’t eat a can of lentils with a side of garbanzos and some broad beans for dessert, even when you’re a fibre queen like I am.
I’ve been watching another blogger move from DC to Seattle with mixed emotions. I watched her move last year, too, and thought, “I envy her ruthlessness”—she tossed SO much! I’m a saver by genetic makeup: my father’s side of the family gets rid of little, while my mother keeps little. I can see the value of the latter right now, as I face a house with four years of “I might need this some time”… but then I also feel connected to some of my stuff, and purging is hard. Correction: going to be hard, and I’m not looking forward to sorting. I know it’s just STUFF, but if I died tomorrow, it tells the story of my life!
I’ve also watched her and thought, “man, you’ve got it good!” Sure, I’m not pregnant right now, but I’m overworked and overtired, and therefore prone to histrionics, as well. It’s occurred to me that surviving this move is going to require a miracle in some ways: I have to sell everything, because I have an uncertain future and can’t drag my crap around with me. Damn. I have no time to sell everything, but I can’t afford to just give it away, either… hm.
I’m also without a willing husband and in-laws (BAD planning, S!), and I have exactly one friend here, who is also going to be away for the last week of my time here and thus… yarg. MORE BAD planning, S! So it’s all ME, baby! I know from experience, however, that I’m so insanely determined that I will do my heavy lifting and will my way through this no matter what damage is incurred—stay tuned for the list of injuries later, psychological and physical. 😀 And if anyone’s wondering, all my goals and plans to build strength so I could do my move… well, they wilted in the face of a job that wants me dead. GOOD planning, S, but BAD follow through…
Then, I’m a bit over-the-top stressed because I’m throwing my closest friend a baby shower in April, when I found out that I wasn’t being invited to her first shower (apparently because I’ve only ever used my uterus to fill space in my body and therefore I was deemed “unsupportive”—?!?!?!?!), I decided to throw one myself, and I found a co-host because I’m not here and I knew I needed someone local to handle the invite and guest list in May, while I was gagging on all my work commitments. Well, the co-host just told me *she* doesn’t have time to make an invite or a guest list.
Well, failure isn’t an option. I’m determined, and I will find a way to do what has to be done because that’s just who I am. I’ll admit, I’m judging the CRAP out of my co-host, because I asked her to do this weeks ago (as the only thing I really needed her to do, on top of everything), and NOW she just *can’t*?
I don’t take the word “can’t” lightly! I am a little bit incredible. I’ll admit it: sometimes, I amaze myself with the things that I can pull off—which isn’t arrogance, but in fact insanity: I mean by that that I find a way to do things when it looks like it just can’t happen. I say, “the impossible just takes a little longer”. And I have brought myself to the brink repeatedly with this mantra, but it also tells me that even though I will cry, suffer, hate, and get hurt over the next few weeks, it’s gonna happen… because it has to!
Icing on the cake? I have a future-determining interview this Thursday morning at 7.30am. I did my research and prep last night, and had a mock interview this morning, but the importance of all of this is still weighing on me.
I did bake a cake in all of this, too, because that was my gift from me to me to welcome me to 34. So when I can (because uploading pics takes a hella long time), I’ll share the glory of the many-houred, many layered cake… but what I’m telling you here is that there will be more radio silence before there is less.
And when I *do* come back, I have INSANE things to tell you about my short term plans.
INSANE.
Like me. 🙂
Be well, bloggies!
UPDATE: I finished this post and went to the grocery store. Now, I will go to hell with VEGETABLES in hand!